A Formula for Resilience

What allows some people to rebound from adversity while others are defeated? What's the formula for sustaining ourselves through defeat, disappointment, illness?  Could the answers to these questions lie in our Strengths?

Years ago, I became fascinated with the idea of resilience. More miles on my own odometer had taught me that those who can continue to adapt, refresh and repurpose were the people who survived with their joy and productivity intact. Wondering whether the word resin had a relationship to resilience,  I pictured a life sap within each of us, like the gooey sap that came out of the pine tree in our front yard when I was a child. I pictured a life sap that allows us to be supple and flexible, to bend but not to break, that allows us to recharge and refresh ourselves for life and work. Studying the lives of people who met life's adversities and who actually found ways to grow and become renewed through challenge, I wondered: What is their secret?

One night, in the midst of my resilience-focus, I had a vivid dream. Opening a pantry door, I saw floor-to-ceiling shelves lined with can after can of motor oil. The cans were colorful, and each was utterly unique. When I reached in to examine the cans of motor oil, I learned that each can was intended for just one person and that the formula for each can was different. I awoke from the dream puzzled. What might the motor oil in my dream symbolize? What was the significance of the unique formula for each person?

Unpacking the dream, I reflected on the functions of motor oil:  to keep engines from overheating, to reduce wear on moving parts, to encourage the smooth function of mechanical parts. To me, the motor oil in my dream was a mechanical metaphor for the life sap I envisioned for people, a life sap that gives them the capacity to be resilient, to continue to perform well despite the wear and tear of life. Just as the motor oil's formula was completely unique for each person, so too are the formulas for our individual resiliency unique to us.

I'd like to share with you two truths about resilience:

1.  Our particular talents shape our personal formulas for resilience. 

2.  When we meet life's adversities, challenges and tragedies by living into our unique talents and strengths, we can grow through our difficulties and produce in new ways.

Let me share three examples of these truths, coming from the trenches of medical challenges in those near and dear to me.

A very special young woman in my life was diagnosed with cancer when she was a child. The cancer was aggressive, and the treatment was brutal.  From my place alongside her and her family during the months of chemo and radiation, I observed an interesting phenomenon: With support from her parents, this young woman set goals. By Christmas, I want to be done with chemotherapy. This year, I am going to form a Relay for Life team and raise money to find cures for cancer. I am going to study to become a pediatric oncologist. This young woman, whom we later learned had Achiever and Focus talent themes, was fueled by goal-setting and goal-accomplishment. By living into those talent themes, she created a to-do list that ranged from near-term to long-term, with goals that benefited herself, her family and others. She was done with chemotherapy by Christmas, she did form multiple Relay for Life teams, she has raised thousands of dollars for cancer research, she has become an eloquent spokesperson as a cancer survivor, and she is a pre-med student in a university with plans to become a pediatric oncologist. Brava!

Another very special young woman in my life was born with life-threatening heart and lung defects. Since childhood, she has beaten the odds of survival, leaning on her Communication talents to navigate the world of medicine. From childhood, she has let medical providers know specifically what she needs and has been an effective advocate on her own behalf. In high school, she became a member of the advisory board of the children's hospital where she received treatment. In that role, she communicated, passionately, about the needs of patients. Now an articulate 21 year-old, she has paired up her Communication and Belief talents to become an effective and ardent spokesperson advocating on behalf of people afflicted with congenital heart and lung defects. As an anti-bullying speaker, she has broadened her platform to serve on behalf of a larger community who need her voice. Her advocacy work fuels her as she continues to navigate her persistent life-threatening challenges. Brava!

Last year, a woman close to me was diagnosed with breast cancer. As a leader in a dynamic work environment, she was challenged to juggle treatment with a host of nonnegotiable responsibilities. A long-time Strengths proponent, this woman used her Strategic Thinking talents (Input-Learner-Strategic) to learn about and plan for her treatment options. She fired up her Input-Learner-Futuristic- and Strategic talents to learn about and plan for all the factors she could control in her diet and lifestyle to mitigate the chances of her cancer's recurrence in the future.With her Achiever and Focus talents, she continued to push ahead during treatment to cross finish lines in her professional life, fueled by the successes and contributions she was making at work to maintain the energy to navigate through serious illness. Brava!

Do you see how each of these women met her respective medical challenge out of her particular talents, finding a way forward that allowed her to be fueled and energized in the process? Do you see that by finding ways to remain productive, to live purposefully in the midst of challenge, they each have grown through their challenge?

Inspired by the resilience of each of these women, I offer to you these six steps to help you on your own path to resilience:

1.  Claim your particular combination of Strengths (your unique "motor oil")

2.  Gather a circle of allies around you who will encourage you during your challenge.

3.  Clarify a goal you have in the midst of the challenge. The goal may have to do with how you'll navigate the challenge, or it may have something to do with "life beyond the challenge."  Pick a goal that will empower you.

4.  Find ways to spin up your Strengths, individually and collectively, to accomplish the goal you've set.

5.  Find meaning and purpose in the midst of challenge by intentionally reflecting on what you're learning and how you're growing.

6.  With your circle of allies, celebrate your successes, small and large, along the way!

Each of us has inherent talents that are unique to us, and we operate with them whether we are aware of them or not. When we know, with certainty, what they are, we can intentionally develop them into Strengths and lean into them in times of challenge or crisis, harnessing them to give us the power to not only endure but also to emerge with new insight, with spirits intact, and new ways to live into our life's purpose.

I wish you well-being and well-doing.

For more information on Gallup's approach to Strengths, or to take the Clifton StrengthsFinder™ online, go to https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/